Sunday, April 14, 2013

8 April 2013

Quote of the week:

"Back in my day, two plus two equaled three. That was before inflation."

-Elder Christensen

So it's been one week back in the glorious province of Kaohsiung, and it's been a tough one. Perhaps I should paint the picture for you: I was super lucky in Changhua. In the three weeks that I was there, we had about 6-8 investigators attend church every week, roughly 28-30 lessons each week, and nine investigators with baptismal goals. It wasn't easy work, but we were super blessed and spirits were high. Gangshan, however, is a different story. Elder Jensen only got here three weeks previous, so he and I had practically no knowledge of the area. We didn't know the members, we had no investigators, and even worse, no phone numbers of people contacted on the road by previous missionaries. With nothing to go on, we had to start from the ground up. (So far we have found two investigators from street contacting, one of whom is convinced that he is a prophet.) There's a lot of pressure on the missionaries too because the local congregation has been told by the Church that they can't build a chapel until they have 120 people attending sacrament meeting: currently they meet for church in the 4th and 8th floors of a commercial building. It reminds me how incredibly blessed we are in the US to have meetinghouses. In mainland China members will meet at people's houses and do conference calls to conduct Sunday services (Sister Busath used to live in mainland, and that's how they had church meetings).

Despite these setbacks, we've been hard at work. Our numbers are still terrible, but I'm sure that the Lord will bless us eventually for our hard work. The thing that we have to remember is that the Lord works by His own timetable. He promises us blessings for following His commandments, but note that He never mentions when He will give them to us. The important thing is that we do all we can to be ready to receive His blessings. Yes, it requires patience. Lots and lots of patience. But the wait is worth it.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my time with Elder Jensen. He's in the Navy, and is super strong. Yesterday one of the sister missionary's bike tires popped, so he got her bike, hefted it on his shoulders, got on his own bike, and took it the next three to four miles home. He also did drama for two years, used to live in Whidbey Island, Washington, and loves quoting A Very Potter Musical. So, naturally, we have gotten along splendidly.

I think it's interesting that I've been paired with all these athletic companions; Elder Christianson, Elder Dailey, Elder Edwards, Elder Jensen... I think God is trying to send me a message...

The number four in Chinese culture is very unlucky, because the word for "four" and the word for "death" sound very similar. So on April 4th, the people will often get off work and go to clean up their family graves. When you clean a grave, it is said that you get good luck for your family. As a service project, our mission assisted in cleaning up graves that were not maintained anymore by family members, mostly because the family had moved away or that person did not have any posterity. The people really appreciated our help, and it was a lot of fun! Sister Chord was there, and I had fun catching up with her. Something interesting: after a body has been in a grave for 10 years, they will dig the body back up and cremate the bones. To signify that the grave is vacated, they break the tombstone.

Monsoon season has started. Lots of rain is approaching!

So I realized I practically skimmed over Easter last week. It's pretty much non-existent in Taiwan. They mention it a little at church, but nobody really knows it's a major holiday. I was kind of thrown for a loop when I realized I had completely missed it. Maybe I'll have better luck the next time around.

I love all of you, and I hope you have a terrific week! Anybody reading this that is not a member and would like to take advantage of a rare opportunity to hear the words of a living prophet, I would invite you to visit and check out the most recent session of General Conference. I have yet to see it, but I'm excited to see it this weekend! I know President Monson is a prophet of God, and that through him, God Himself directs this church.


-Elder Jorgensen


“My really short letter to Rich. My Chinese needs to improve, Ah!”


“Elder Fiso struttin' his patriotism.”


“We live in a four-man apartment. Elder Fiso and Elder Wu are the other companionship.”


“Elder Jensen loves steak.”


“Good ol' A1 sauce.”


“Elder Jensen's terrible sunburn.”


P4020068 Stitch

“Panorama of the view outside my apartment.”

Sunday, April 7, 2013

1 April 2013

So to open off the week, we had an AWESOME EARTHQUAKE! In the neighboring province ("Nantou"), there was a 6.1. I was in the third floor of a McDonald's at the time, and I was with Elder Robison while our companions were at a meeting in Taizhong. Everything started to shake a little and we both looked up at each other from our scriptures. Elder Robison says, "Hey, do you feel that? I think that's an earthquake." And then it really starts to shake. I turn around to see the windows of the KFC across the street vibrating wildly and the light fixtures swinging around. Elder Robison gets up and starts "surfing it", while I just sit there blankly and watch the people outside completely ignoring it. The staff downstairs started yelling and laughing. Clearly the Taiwanese don't think much of earthquakes. After that we tried to call the assistants to the President, but all the cell phone lines across northern Taiwan were down, so we had to walk over to the nearby train station and use a payphone to call them. They informed us that the apartment buildings in Nantou were severely damaged, and that some other buildings had collapsed; they asked us to check our building as soon as possible for any damage. When Elder Edwards got back, we came home to find a pretty decent crack running across the ceiling of our apartment. The building is stable though, so no worries. But it's crazy how a single moment like that can cause so much damage.

Before I received my mission call, I had a dream that I was going to be called to Richmond, Virginia, Mandarin speaking. Of course, this did not happen, but Elder Edwards's brother just got his mission call, and guess where: Richmond, Virginia, Mandarin speaking. What!? In reality, this is a very interesting call. That's not a call you can just guess. It was really funny to see the correlation between my dream and his mission call.

It rained super hard this week. It makes Washington look extremely pitiful. We were soaked in seconds. I couldn't see farther than 3-4 yards in front of me.

I was reading Alma's talk with his son, Helaman, and he mentions that "small and simple means bring to pass the salvation of man." While I was with Elders Christensen and Xiong this week, we had an experience that confirmed this principle: We made a plan to visit a certain member in an area that was pretty out of our way. When we arrived, the member was not home, so we fell to our backup which was a nearby former investigator. That person was not home, either. Elder Christensen then had the idea to visit two other nearby less-actives, but they were gone too. So we biked over one block from that last person's house and ran into a man on the side of the road who invited us to follow him to his home. What a simple event, but what a fantastic miracle! It's amazing how the Lord can choreograph all of this. I'm so grateful to be able to have the spirit with me, so that I can recognize these events to be miracles.

When I found out that Elder Edwards and I were separating, I prayed about it a lot. The thing is, he taught me the meaning of "working hard", and I was afraid that I was going to forget it after we split. I've been known to be one to go with the flow of things... I felt that if my next companion was not as diligent, I would slacken up and follow suit. As I prayed about it, I had the distinct thought: "You don't have to go with the flow... Be yourself! It's *your* choice. Work hard even if others don't!" I've been given agency for a reason, I just have to use it!

But I don't think I have to worry. As far as I can tell, Elder Jensen is going to be a fantastic companion. I'm excited to work with him, and I know that we will see miracles. I am now in Gangshan, Kaosiung. That's right, I'm back in Kausiung!!! I saw Rich, Sister Zhang, and her daughter Amy today! Rich has new glasses, they look a lot like my dad's. It is super awesome to be back here. It is such a beautiful land, and the people here are wonderful. Woohoo!!!

I love you all, and I am excited to tell you about the work next week!


-Elder Jorgensen





“Elder Edwards on the phone.”


“My entry in Jeff's "Bye-Bye book". He crowned me the "Duke Burrito" after I made him some Mexican food. He told me the food was as good as a ticket to the Celestial Kingdom.”


“Elder Christensen. He is an amazing singer and actor.”


“Me and Sister Busath and our companions, splitting up! Sister Busath is going home in three months, I'm going to miss her!”


“Earthquake damage.”

25 March 2013

I opened off this week having a really creepy dream. We had one investigator for a while back in Gaoxiong who was mentally unstable, and because he became a big disruption in church, we had to ask him to leave and not come back. The other night, I was dreaming that Elder Edwards and I were outside the train station in Zhanghua talking to people. At one point, when Elder Edwards was focused on someone else, this guy with small beady eyes and glasses walked up to me but wasn't looking directly at me. As he walked past me, he grabbed my wrist and started pulling me along with him into the train station. I looked back at Elder Edwards, a little panicked, but Elder Edwards didn't notice. I thought the man was leading me to someone who wanted to talk with us, so I decided to walk along with him. But then he led us to an escalator, but before we got on, he forced me just outside the escalator, still holding on to me. He starts going up, but I'm dangling off the edge struggling to get out of his iron grip. All at once I recognize him as that previous investigator, probably back to get his revenge. I yell at him to let me go, and he gives me this dead-pan stare, then throws me off. I fall and fall and... wake up. It freaked me out so bad. That dream is still haunting me.

I watched Elder Edwards get T-boned by a scooter this week. Good thing he's a football player, he took the hit like a champ. But the lady that hit him was not so well off: she might have broken her nose. But I do want to attest to the reality of ministering angels, because that accident should have been a lot worse for my companion. He walked out with no scratches, and his bike is still in perfect condition. We are protected and watched after!

Something interesting about Chinese culture: to talk like a native, your face needs to be pretty devoid of expressions. We Americans, comparatively, wear our emotions on our sleeves. We raise our eyebrows when we are surprised, lower them when we are angry or stern, open our eyes wide and smile really big when we are excited, etc. But Chinese people use certain words to convey emotion instead. Like exclamation points, there are characters you can tag onto the end of a sentence to convey the mood of your words. "Ba", as I've mentioned before, is a word indicating that you just gave a suggestion, or an assertion that you are not entirely sure is fact. "Ah" with a falling tone is often an indicator of an incredulous or angry mood. There is a little emotion that is conveyed through the voice volume and ferocity behind the words, but there is a lot of stress on these exclamation particles.

Elder Edwards talked in his sleep this week. At two in the morning one night he said loud and clear, "But still, he had a translator, and he just dealt with it." What? I was too tired to laugh, but luckily I had the presence of mind to reach for my planner and write it down.

On Friday, Elder Edwards and I were contacting like crazy, trying to hit our goal for 1000 contacts. We were at an intersection, and he sat down with some kid, so I just kept contacting. However, I guess I missed him when he finished, because I looked back and he wasn't there anymore. In fact, he wasn't anywhere. He just went completely missing. I stayed in that intersection for 30 minutes, but he never showed up. On any other day I would just bike to a 7-Eleven and use the pay-phone to call him, but we had left our cell phone on the train the day before, so Elder Edwards didn't have it. I had no way to contact my companion. Like last time my companion disappeared, I prayed about what I was to do. The answer was clear: I needed to call President Bishop. So I biked back to the church to see if Elder Edwards was there, but he wasn't. I rode to the house (a minute away) but he wasn't there either, so I just biked back to the church again and, luckily, found some members inside, so I borrowed a cell phone. I called President Bishop, and he asked me if I could stay with the members. "But President, all the members here are girls!" He laughed hard, and then told me to just stay out in the hallway nearby and do some language study. 30 minutes later, Elder Edwards comes running down the hallway laughing. He told me that he thought I had gone farther down the road, so he kept going and never found me. He got another lesson with someone on the street on the way which lasted 15 minutes, and then he realized he needed to head back afterwards because it had almost been an hour. Wow, that experience was nerve wracking!

Elder Edwards and I just ripped it up this week. We contacted about 500 people, only halfway to our goal, but that is still double of what we were previously contacting. And we still had time for a bunch of lessons. It all went really well. He works so hard and is a fantastic example to me. I sure learned quite a bit about how to work hard! I'm still learning, but I'm a little farther on my quest to perfection.

But the time was too short. Elder Edwards got a call this morning: he's training next move call. Which means I'm moving again, only after three short weeks. It's sad, but I'll stay optimistic. I guess I'll just have to take the fire with me! Woohoo!

I love you all, and I will write you next week!

-Elder Jorgensen


“A shirt I got from Mom (Dana).”


“We helped out this "Ama" (“elderly  lady") cut down some bamboo.



“The one and only  amazing Jeff. He's been working out.”


“Making brownies!”


“Bowing down to the so-called "Food Prophet".


“Sguy and Elder Edwards making brownies.”


“Sguy, the Thai recent convert who is going on a mission soon. This guy is so boss.”


“The Brownie crew.”


“Our church building.”

18 March 2013

Li he!

Elder Edwards loves to exercise. Being the future kicker for the BYU football team comes at a heavy price. We spend many mornings waking up 30 minutes early to go run stairs and hills. We do a variety of other exercises as well; it hurts to sit down. I have been working that Gluteus to the Maximus.

I got to meet the legendary Jeff, a recent convert that lives up here in Changhua. Elder Dailey has told me a lot about him. Apparently for Christmas, because missionaries are lonely and away from home, Jeff decided to cheer them up and thereafter donned a Santa suit, yelling lots of "ho-ho-ho"'s and swinging a huge bag above his head. He has really good English and will even use some modern urban vocabulary, such as, "Dude, that's flippin' knarly, man." It is seriously a jolt when you hear words like that coming from a Taiwanese.

I went on exchanges with my new Zone Leader on my second day with Elder Teng. He is an ABC (Taiwanese term for "American Born Chinese") who grew up in Redmond, Washington. He and I had an interesting lesson: we went up into the mountains to visit a polygamist family who was investigating the church. Most of the children were already baptized, but the parents and a couple of their sons were not. According to the missionary manual Preach My Gospel, we are strictly not allowed to baptize polygamist individuals unless they divorce from their additional spouses. We would be fine talking about this had not the family seemed so happy and full of love already. But the family was so warm and welcoming, and it seemed that they all had really solid family relationships, so we didn't want to step forward and break all that up. Elder Teng and his companion chose to wait until the parents decide they want to get baptized, before they drop that bomb.

I have to say that Elder Edwards is amazing. Never in my life have I felt more inadequate or undeserving. Just serving with him in the first day was a good reality-check for me, concerning my level of diligence and whether I truly was or wasn't putting my best work forward. When I was on exchanges with Elder Teng on my second day, he specifically asked me to be supportive of Elder Edwards and give him all that I have. I felt, and still feel, that I want to do this. Elder Edwards has told me many times that he really wants to give all of himself to the work. I want to be there to support him, because he deserves a supportive companion. But it requires much effort on my part, and even more help from God Himself. I prayed really hard the third night, and afterwards I wrote down, "I'm going to have a rough time this move call, but I will learn a lot, as long as I put the effort in and am humble enough to accept that I have weaknesses, and then move forward and change them into strengths." And I have certainly seen that over the past few days. As I have given all my energy of heart, Elder Edwards and I have been blessed with many miracles: We had 30 lessons this week, and a whopping eight investigators at church. We also had two members give us the names of their friends whom they are wanting us to visit, some of the first "member referrals" that Elder Edwards and I have gotten on our missions.

I was reading my notes from a talk given by Elder Bednar, and I had written, "Strive with unwearied diligence." I looked up "weary" in the Topical Guide of the LDS Gospel Library, and came across Alma 37:34, which reads: "Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls." Being stressed about not meeting expectations, this scripture was a tremendous comfort to me. I found that as long as I was humble and worked my best, I could have peace of heart and mind, and would not have to worry.

When I talk about the Atonement in lessons, I often talk about how I wasn't a very obedient, nice son to my mother. I regret the nature of my conduct at home for the majority of my life. I wish I had been more appreciative and loving of my mother, but instead I was often a pretty big self-conceited jerk. I talk about how the Atonement has helped me take that desire to change and help me learn and grow from my experiences. While my relationship with mom has improved, I do admit that I am still learning, and will probably continue to learn and improve throughout eternity. I hope, though, that I can be a much better son when I return from my mission. I remember being at that last FHE in Lingya and sitting next to Sister Zhang, and feeling just for a moment this incredible urge to put my arm around her and thank her for all that she has done for me. I think back to my feelings toward mom before my mission, and I wonder, "Why did I not have that strong feeling to do that for my own mother before? What is different now?" The Atonement has changed me. My love for her has grown. I know that when I see her at the airport when I return that I will throw my arms around her and cry and thank her for always being there for me. I love my mother! 

I know God loves each and every one of us, and really wants us to be happy. I'm so glad that I have a friend to turn to whenever I am having a hard time. But why only talk with Him then? Why not every second of every day, thanking the Great Creator that has given us our precious life and everything that we behold around us? We are so blessed. My eyes have just begun to open to see the infinite number of gifts my Father has given me. I am grateful for his mercy, grace, and tremendous love.


-Elder Jorgensen


“Elder Edwards and I!”


“My new desk space.”


“Elder Edward's family. The guy with the red Tee in the middle was one of my teachers in the MTC.”


“The view outside of our apartment in Changhua. Just had some fresh rain.”


“Check out this old picture from the previous Christmas. There's Grandpa Elder Jackson!”

11 March 2013

First, BIG NEWS. The missionary department just changed the rule about emailing: We are now allowed to email friends, recent converts, and priesthood leaders, as well as family. So you all can email me now! Woohoo!!! Drop me an email when you can, I'd love to hear from you! Keep in mind it's not the same email, I have a different one for the mission. You can find it on my Facebook wall. 

Note: I would like to ask that you focus your letters on your life and on gospel topics (I.E. no movie quotes or current news in the world, etc.). I want to stay focused on my mission, and I really appreciate efforts on your part to help me keep this focus. And no links to other sites, I'm not able to access those anyway.

And now on to the usual:

How could I possibly recap the last week adequately?...

Over the last month I've been seriously attacked by mosquitoes. I woke up one morning to ten new mosquito bites and ten fat mosquitoes lazily buzzing around the room. Every night reaps more bites. Elder Dailey got a huge kick out of it, because he never got any bites. Ever. "I guess my blood is just too sour." One day I was talking with Sister Zhang about it, and she seemed so sorry for me. I randomly got a call from her asking when we were going to be at the church, and at that time she ran into the church, dropped a bag into my hands, and ran back out. I opened the bag to find a HUGE mosquito curtain for my bed. And some apples. We wanted to set it up that night, but because the ceiling is too high, we "shang ban fa'ed" and propped it up with two doors we took out of the patio entrance. Pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

So I thought English went well last week, but let me tell you, it just floored me this week. We had our St. Patrick's Day party this week, and we were stunned when we counted 50 in attendance. 50!!! The party was so much fun. We put on a skit to talk about the stories behind the holiday, and then everyone made leprechaun traps. While everyone went on a 4-leaf clover hunt, the sisters destroyed all the traps except for one, which was buried in chocolate gold coins. It was a tremendous success, everyone loved it. I hope Lingya can maintain these successes over the next few weeks.

The whole week, though, was stressful. We were all anticipating "move call madness" on Saturday, in which we would learn if we were going to move or stay the following Monday. When Saturday finally came, Elder Dailey and I were a nervous wreck. And then Elder Chia dialed in, and we just rushed to the phone. And then came the news: I was to move to Changhua. Whoa. Elder Dailey just started laughing so hard. "Dude, you're going to my last area!!! And you're going to be with my last companion, Elder Edwards!" He had told me a lot about Elder Edwards: This guy is apparently going to be kicker on the BYU football team when he gets back.

So then I had to say my goodbyes. So hard. I love all these people so much. Sister Zhang threw a feast on Sunday night, and all our friends came to say goodbye. Even some of my English students came. Some people cried. It was so surreal... you just get so attached to these people, and then you leave. Elder Chia and Sister Busath were also leaving, so of course everyone was super sad to see so many of their friends leaving. Rich was sad too, but he is so good, he just told me to go and give it my all. I love that guy. I also told Sister Zhang that she's been like a mother to me, and that I'm really grateful for her. She was crying a lot. She puts so much of herself into helping us and taking care of us, I can tell she pretty much considers us missionaries as her own children. I'm going to miss her a ton. This morning, before I got on the train, she dumped a huge bag of fruit into my hands. So Sister Zhang.

The one thing that made me feel good about leaving is that Sister Busath is going with me to Changhua. We rode the train together and both wrote letters to Elder Burdick (although with the new rule, I guess we can just email him now). I'm glad I'm going with a friend. How true it is that we need friends in the church. It's hard to make changes when you are all alone.

And then I met Elder Edwards. The nicest guy I've ever met in my life. SO cool. And he's so sincere. We have big plans: next week we want to basically skip preparation day (besides writing home of course) and throughout the course of that week contact 1000 people. My record has been something like 500. It's gonna be crazy!

I just want you all to know that I love you, and please email me! Let me know how you are doing! I may not have much time to respond, but I will try to respond as soon as possible. Thank you for all your love and support.


-Elder Jorgensen


“English is off the charts!”


“My wonderful mosquito net.”


“Good friends in Lingya and Shizhong wards!!!”


“Brother Chen!”


“Sister Peng and her family. We were working with her husband who wasn't baptized yet.”


“My District.”




“My Family.”


“Lingya at night.”

4 March 2013

Big news of the week: Our English program absolutely exploded. In one month, we went from 25 attendees to 41, including five families and a 4:1 ratio of non-members to members. Fantastic. We sold all our English textbooks, ran out of English flyers, and depleted our stock of student registration forms. This coming week should be an even bigger turnout: we've been advertising our English class St. Patrick's Day party during the last few class sessions and passing out invitations. I've been especially excited about this because we had set a lofty goal a month ago to have 45 attendants, as well as two families regularly attending and two new investigators per companionship. It looks like we are on track to hit all three goals. WOOHOO! I am so grateful I have the opportunity to be a part of this enormous success.

Elder Jackson, now returned from his mission, was my friend during my teenage years, and lived just down the street from me. Since I've been here, I've had the privilege of working with many members and missionaries that remember and adore him. Both Elder Fiala and Elder Dailey told me a funny story about him this week. A week before he was to go home, he was on the train with some other missionaries going to the temple in Taipei. One Elder, also soon to return home, turned around in his seat and asked Elder Jackson, "Hey, are you excited to get back home and start dating girls soon?!" Elder Jackson just stared at the back of the seat in front of him, and said quietly, "Now why would I be thinking about that?" The other Elder said incredulously, "Elder, we're going home in a week!" Elder Jackson just sat quietly for a minute. "...Oh."

I really admire Elder Jackson. Elder Dailey says, "Lots of missionaries say that they are 'sad to go home', but they don't really mean it. Duh, they're excited to go home. But Elder Jackson would say it, and you could tell that he really was sad. He loved his mission, he loved the people, and he loved the work." Elder Jackson has certainly left a mark here in Taiwan. I was talking with some members who had come to Lingya for a Singles dance, and somehow they knew I was his neighbor. They started asking me questions about how he was doing. It was cool to see members that really adored him and missed him. I hope I can be a missionary like Elder Jackson!

We saw some craziness on Thursday. Elder Chia and Elder Chen were holding a baptismal service for one of their investigators, Brother Li. One hour before the baptism, Brother Li told them that he was moving to Taipei that night. It was like a bomb had gone off. The reason this is such a tough situation is because we take careful records of all those who are baptized, and it's a little tricky in moving records from one place to another. Moving in itself is another problem: he doesn't know anyone in Taipei, which means that because of lack of friendship with members, continued activity in the church is much more difficult and unlikely. The best part about the whole baptism was that when they scheduled it, they forgot that there would be a dance going on at the same time in the church building, so everyone in the pews was bouncing to the heavy base of Coldplay and Super Junior throughout the meeting. It was the most exciting, bumpin' baptism I've ever attended, bar none.

And it sounds like he's active and happy in Taipei (no problems!), in case you were wondering.

Our long time investigator, Brother Chen, set his own baptism goal in April! YEAH! I am so excited for him. We have become good friends. One day he showed up for an appointment twenty minutes late, proclaiming that he had just bought a cake for us. I'm gonna miss that guy when I leave.

On Sunday night there was a massive Family Home Evening in which all of the ward members were invited to the Yang family's home. We spent a good hour talking to everyone, and I was thinking the whole time about just how amazing it was that only a short six months ago I had met them for the first time. I feel like they are my dearest friends now. We took a group photo and then it was time for Elder Dailey and I to leave early. Everyone started singing "Love One Another" when we left, and as we walked out the door, I turned around to see them all smiling and waving to us. I was suddenly just caught up in this wave of emotion, and started crying. Man, am I going to miss these guys! They are like family to me. I am so grateful to know each and every one of them, and so grateful for the love they have shown to me.

We are so blessed! Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us, and He will send special people into our lives, through whom we can feel of His love. Each friend and family member I know are all proof that God really does love me, and I am forever grateful to Him for His outpouring of love in my life. I hope that I can be a conduit of His love for others I know so that they can feel of this love also.


Elder JorgensenP2233926

“Power Week with some sisters from Lingya and Shizhong Wards. Left to right: Wu, Amy, Amy's mother Sister Zhang, Zhang's sister Lily, Sister Busath, Sister Zhang (not related to Amy's mother Zhang), and Sister Liu.”



“Brother Ke getting baptized!”


“Rich being crazy.”


“Elder Chen taking pictures.”


“Elder Gummow with his stash of ice cream at an all-you-can-eat restaurant (don't tell anyone that I actually was the one who ordered all that ice cream... oops).”


“Don't laugh. Just a warning.”